Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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