My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
