i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
