i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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