my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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