Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
