i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
