Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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