super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
