cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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