I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
