i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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