The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
