We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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