Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And then he peed in my hair
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