I think I am morally bankrupt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
