It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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