One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
