my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
