I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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