I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
