so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
