I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize