I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
