Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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