Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
