meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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