How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
