I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
