Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
