forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
