I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
