oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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