only you would photoshop your dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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