look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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