using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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