I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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