he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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