mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
