No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
