worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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