fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
