he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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