she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are two peas in an std pod
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
