glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
