This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize