i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
