Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
