I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize