How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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