I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize