"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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