So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
