I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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