I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
