Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
