i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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