I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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