I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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