There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize