she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Found your dick twin last night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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