I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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