its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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