respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
