White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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