i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
