i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
