I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
