how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
