A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
