No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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