Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
