Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
