he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
