I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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