Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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