I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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