I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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