at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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