I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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