hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
