it wasn't lemon gatorade
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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