cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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