her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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