Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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