please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
