Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
