Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
