Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
