her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
