If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize