before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
