she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize