Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
