I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
