erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did I show you my penis last night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
