I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
