we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
