I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
