I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The air was thick with penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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