I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
