I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize