i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
