he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
