my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
