In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
